Wednesday, December 29, 2004

"Words are the key , they will open any door ..."
- Nambi Sankaran , circa 2004

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

People can be forgiven for overrating language. Words make noise, or sit on a page, for all to hear and see. Thoughts are trapped inside the head of the thinker. To know what someone else is thinking, or to talk to each other about the nature of thinking, we have to use — what else, words! It is no wonder that many commentators have trouble even conceiving of thought without words — or is it that they just don¹t have the language to talk about it?
The Language Instinct, 1994

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

The Third Wind

I hear my breath. It's ragged , fighting and asking for more than it can get.I want to be able to gulp copious amounts of air and let it out in equally large quantities. This must be how it feels to struggle for breath.This *is* how it feels to struggle for breath.Nothing brings the mind into sharp focus like the struggle for survival.This is what i am doing - struggling to survive.

Then things start to happen. I have just finished mile 5 , my target today is to run 10 miles. The mind needs to cope with many variables - it needs to regulate the body temperature , the heart rate , the muscular contractions , the rhythm of the run , the breathing. All of those are peanuts for the mind as it does this on a regular basis until almost unconsciously it faces the most formidable enemy of all - Itself.

Vasomotor Rhinitis : This is a term for a poorly understood condition where people have a stuffy or draining nose but have no evidence of specific allergies.What it does is however, manifest and real.For runners it's a phlegm manufacturer and *not* the best thing to happen when you are trying to "create" air to feed the brain.I have this condition.

Like an ace lawyer the mind argues to stop the incessant and insatiable desire of madness to carry on despite the pain, the phlegm , the pounding . In it's own way it's effective.2 votes to stop , 2 votes to continue. It's dead even. Meanwhile , i've carried on past mile 6.For a moment the lawyer mind looks at the numbers and doubts whether the pain is really manifest and whether it really has a case.This is all that i require.I force the numbers to change : 0-4.Continue.

And then the side stitch joins us. She is my good friend. She never fails to look me up about mile 6.3.She goes away pretty soon for her errands but the conversation with her distracts me enough to forget about the lawyer. But, as she leaves I wake up to mile 6.66.I wish it was mile 8 , but of course,this is the critical number.I have just sailed on my second wind. I am still waiting for the third wind.Why 6.66? I don't know. Maybe because it's a number i have associated with the biblical devil ,inspite of my athestic outlook.Or it's a number that's so symmetric that it looks a nice number for a time-mark.But , when i cross over this one - it's as if i have crossed the bridge. I have gone to the other side.

I am still waiting for the third wind. The lawyer mind has recouped and regathered it's energies.The legs are even more painful now.The lungs are burning as if they are lit on fire.The odds are stacking up : one by one .This is how i like it.Bring 'em on.I am still waiting for the third wind.

I have just gone past mile 7.25 - now every half of a quarter mile is a battle I struggle to win.The phlegm in my mouth now regularly forms a film like bubble gum blowing up when i open my mouth not letting air to pass through.I spit it.Immediately , it forces me to gulp more air.Which produces more phlegm , which i spit again.The nose clears up momentarily only to be congested again.I breathe out hard into my t-shirt.It's soaking wet now as if a cloud just burst on top of my head.My eyes start to smart from the acid in the sweat. I clear it with my hand.But the sweat keeps flowing.The phlegm is now more frequent.I need to clear it as soon as it congests.I have just cleared mile 7.8 . I think of it as my 8th mile.No , it *is* my 8th mile. This does wonders. Psychlogically , I have just 2 more miles to go.This is amazing.All my doubts clear.I reach out and grasp hope and I run with it.

The third wind can catch me if it can.





Sunday, March 14, 2004

Sin City
i had written this in 1999 - after about 3 months in the U.S. Lots has changed since then - but this account is still quite accurate to memory. This is the unabridged , unedited , original :-) , so please bear w/ the language.

"An Ode to the Flower of Utah"
I had a 3 day most wonderful trip to Nevada.If you scan yahoo map and type U.S + map you should be able to locate this wonderful place.

We started on Thursday Night in 2 cars.
The total distance of the Journey was 1400 Miles approx.(2240 Kilometers).The road to Las Vegas goes right thru the Mojave Desert(TOP GUN stunts) known mostly for U.S Army Operations.The city opens out in the desert out of nowhere.I mean 1 minute you are travelling in Empty ,Barren Land.The next,You are in the center of the World's Most Glittering Entertainment Center.

As you enter the Las Vegas Blvd,better known as just "the Strip" one board stands above all ,It simply states "Las Vegas The City of Entertainment" and By jove it is.

The city that in daylight is mere Cement and concrete trying to fight the arid desert,comes alive at night as never before.Glittering and glamorus.

There are two things in Vegas that go hand in hand.The SLOT and the SLUT.And Human beings are turned to Machines.SLOT Machines and SLUT Machines.The slots are coin eaters.Believe me with a $20 bill you could play on 25 Cents Slot Machines and loose everything.These machines are made so you can get rid of UR cash.So if U think 25 cent machine is > what U can afford."they" allow U to loose money with a 5 Cent Slot machine.Well if U play on the higher limits,there is the 1000 Dollar slot machine.(If U win they give U 10000 Dollars.)YUP,the rich become richer the poor remain poorer.Besides the slot there are many other ways to loose your hard-earned money.The Casino,The Roulette and the so called Wheel of (Mis)Fortune.Even then it was a good lesson on probability.I mean you would think except for things like the Weather,or something more abstract in the Quantum World,where would one actually USE the Probability theory?This place is the ultimate when it comes to see probabilty at work.Remember all the world famos probabilty theorists came from Gambling!To name a few :Louis L Ambert,Fermat,Gaolis.I bet Schrodinger did put a finger in the Gamblers pie once.What I really found interesting was the SLOT and the Wheel are made so they win unless You can calculate probs accurately.That is exactly what I ended up doing and w/ an investment of $10 I went upto $80.I changed tacks thinking (which always gets me in truble) that it is NOT probabilty at work but sheer luck and bet differently.The results?Lost 30 bucks straight!I stopped playing.Cashed the 50 bucks and that was the End of it!

Vegas also has the highest roller coaster in the world.Atop a tower appropriately called the Stratosphere.The tower is about 110 floors.Which is about 1347 feet.That takes about 35 seconds to reach by lift.The coaster is ,a COASTER.Twirls and turns.But there is what is called the BIG SHOT.That does 245 mph for 45 feet vertically upwards which is approx 4g.(Men astronauts can take 6g approx,and women atros about 8g).Then drop u down at 3.5g.Where g is 9.8 metres per second per second.The seat on which u sit is Unavialable as U fall!It causes all kinds of things to unfit people(vomiting,nausea,dizziness or all,to name a few!).
Vegas imitates the World's Attraction centres.So it has a MINI EIFFEL TOWER ,from where U reach out to see the Grand Opera ,The Bellagio!This is a Light and Sound show w/ a difference.It has water included.Fountains are manipulated at such rapid pace,that are melted harmoniusly to the background opera music,that the combination leaves u wondering whether u have reached heaven!The show is non stop from 20:30 hrs every fifteen minutes.But the best part is It is absolutely free.It goes on and on.For all to see.You pay to get good views of this magnificient show.You could be watching it from the streets, which gives a different perspective.The entirity of the city and it's ways leaves you overwhelmed at the significance of mankind and life.
To pander to those philosphical thoughts the State of Arizona along with Nevada and California has the Splendor of the Wild Wild West:The Grand Canyon and The Death Valley.
This is sheer rock from the Pre Mesozoic right upto the Permian thru the Cretacious,Jurrasic and the Triassic.The rock;that has everything.Nature's way of preserving.The sheer size of the Grand Canyon opens to scrutiny at what Nature wants to tell with this statement.
The canyon covers about 1092 square miles.The highest peaks reach upto a 1900 feet or more.This is uninhabitable barren waste and yet has beauty!

The Death valley is part California ,part Nevada.This place is an uninhibited almost vulgar exhibition of Nature's mockery of man's place on earth.Yup,It puts a man in his place.This area is better known as Area 51.The sight where two U.S made fighter jets had a rondevous with an alien shuttle.An alien it is now believed ,that came from Outer Space.
It is indeed a strange sight when U see the Death valley from close range.It asks no mercy ,it has no mercy.Basic dunes cut away from eons of evolutionary time,bringing one back to what it was to look at the earth a few million years ago.Sand solidified almost fossilized for unsuspected scrutiny.Then the Wind blows,and things start to stir.Just a little,but enuf for men to loose their life on planet earth.Indeed this valley was an enormous valley below the sea for millions of years.Suddenly exposed to the Sun.The dangers of this valley are yet unknown.Dormant volcanoes which blow off w/o warning are just part of what makes it thrilling to be inside the Death Valley!Miles and Miles of barren ,grassless land.

For "the death valley" evolved before grass did. This is probably the flower of utah !

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Can we have more ?
"Success is not always final. If you build a better mousetrap, nature will breed a smarter mouse."
- Sol Broad

"Everyone always says to be yourself... like 'yourself' is this definite thing... like a toaster, or something."
- Angela, from My So-Called Life

"Montana seems to me to be what a small boy would think Texas is like from hearing Texans."
- John Steinbeck

Saturday, January 17, 2004

The Code Parlor
Here is what i am thinking of these days . Have a place for guys who'd rather be coding to meet in one place and code. Something like a code parlor. This will also be a place where we programmers can discuss the problems we face .Most of us really require the atmosphere. We also need to meet like minds at least in our time zone :-) . We hardly socialize - coz we'd rather be coding !Now , a lot of us are like that . Beasts who code - like urukhais of Tolkein's Lord Of The Rings.

Well the fact of the matter is we - coders , urukhais and other akas for coders - are really beautiful people . Sometimes misunderstood , cause we are thought to talk geek. I think most of us talk poetry . I know the mathematician Paul Erdos used to show up at the doors of other mathematicians and do math. I think he is the inspiration for this. Except that , we all meet here and code. And we help each other w/ code. With so many open source projects accelarating at > mach speeds - we need open air atmosphere w/ social networks for mental health .You see many of us are good programmers but we may NOT have the programmer temperament. I for one - love company and like and solve many problems while i code. This is how i work at work too :-).

So here is the deal : I will provide chinese food /lunch and the place . You get your laptop or your desktop too ( as long as you can set up a place betwixt the laptops or sit on your box and connect to a screen ). Anyone else interested in bringing food is most welcome. Pot Luck is great !

Oh and btw - anyone interested in talking about some great discovery or stuff they did is most welcome to talk about it. Hey we all want to be appreciated by people who really understand us ! Isn't that the goal of life - be understood at least once ? Hahahaha ! I would also love guys & gals bringing their instruments - including klunky prototype guitars , violins and whatevers and play it ! I'd love to hone my skills at guitar too.

So : to all those dudes out there who need company coding , i am here . Alan Kay said :"The best way to predict the future is to Invent it ". Let's do it together !


Friday, January 02, 2004

The Days Ramblings
Today mom blogged again. Each time she does this , it makes me happy. It's like seeing a child learn. Taking the first steps in blog space is quite amazing. It's sitting out there and you do this and you have said what you want to say . People who want to know about, to see how you are will know where to look. They just need to point their browsers to their loved blogs.It's The Brain Logging. It's the moods that are captured which you feel at that moment.

Thanks Mom , I feel quite in touch w/ you when i read your blogs.More closer to how you feel and who you are than all the 'empty' conversations we have about my food habits or social life ;-).

Mom also said : Dad asks not to spend time talking about her problems w/ the machine in the limited time they have w/ me on the phone, that you are wasting 'quality time' . What i think is - we cannot manufacture quality time. It happens . When you 'create' conversation one can percieve that it is empty. The quality of conversation degrades exponentially.Very soon , you have nothing to talk about. It's only when you are doing things together - solving problems , talking about the gooey , sticky , dirty stuff that makes 'real' life - you are having a conversation. All else is void. I do NOT say that all of life is heavy dirty matters - the gooey stuff is everything - fun and laughter too. Humans percieve a 'created' fun environment from a 'natural' one quite easily.We are equipped w/ it - hardwired if you will. And the natural one is more fun than the created one. There you go - an essential thesis to distinction on the flavors of fun - Confucious style ;-).

'Dealers of Lightning' - or the story of Xerox parc is a totally unputdownable book.Even if most stories are haloed or manufactured - i think it should be required reading for all compsci / engineering grads. How NOT to give up when you are convinced of an idea. To keep innovating and keep telling the story of innovation . Inspire and be inspired.

Off to the gym i go - the circle of life begins today anew , amen ! :-)



Life Itself - or why opensource
The subject title "Life Itself " is taken from Francis Crick's book - his philosophy . For a lot of people who work on opensource day and night there is a light at the end of darkness - this is why we live and breathe and run and walk - so the world is a better place when you leave it than when u started living it .Here is the source of all the predawn candles - sparks - of why opensource and why it is life itself .
http://www.oreilly.com/catalog/opensources/book/toc.html